[11:00 - 13:41] The Morgue Visit and Yuri's Unrecognizable State

The next day, on Friday, I am allowed into the morgue to see Yura, where I don't recognize Yura. I pass by several times. It's such a huge, very pompous place. Again, everyone is kind, again everyone there: "Alyona Sergeevna, well, Yura called you Alyona. Let us escort you, show you, yes, Yura loved you so much!" Bitches, how do you know that? You put him in a coma. Who told you that? What dossier did they write for you? I can't see Yura, I don't see him, he's lying under a sheet, not yet dressed. So, to say goodbye before makeup, before everything. I walk around three times, I think I've gone mad. And there are many bodies there. I can't find him. Well, Yura's not there, Yura's not there, he's not there. Then a person approaches, a different one, well, like an employee there. "Ah, Yuri Petrovich Kachikhin, he's here, here he is." And I recognized him by the bridge of his nose, this characteristic bridge of his nose, his face. That's when I recognized him. I thought it was some woman lying there, very similar, old, about 80, to my deceased German grandmother. For some reason, I had this association, something was lying there, I walked by several times, smiled at this corpse. It seemed to me that the corpse was reacting to me too. This is my grandmother, my deceased, wonderful German beloved grandmother. This is how his appearance changed, this is how his appearance changed. His hands were open, there were no nails on his hands, and there was practically no hair, no eyelashes, no eyebrows. And, uh, there were spots, from this skin, scars. But it was Friday, I understood that Yura tried very hard so that we could see each other, he was in a decent state. What I saw the next day, what, naturally, in the coffin, when there was the official funeral ceremony, it was 10 times worse. So they said that they thought they might delay it so that not everyone who wanted to say goodbye to Yura could come. To extend it a bit longer. But the doctors said, "No, it will only get worse." That is, after death, this process continued, it did not stop. You see, it doesn't happen like that. When a person dies, something like this doesn't happen to him. I can't describe it, he was already made up, but through that makeup, and, yes, then the doctors will say, yes, he tried very hard. He really held on until you met. He really held on.