[09:04 - 10:59] Post-Loss Disorientation and Search for Reality

I arrive at the editorial office. So, what do I do? I turn off all phones. And stupidly, until the moment I have to go to a conference, I, so, stare at one point and keep lighting the lighter. The lighter is burning. I turn on the TV, I see discussions about Yura everywhere. This news is playing. I can't, well, listen, it's not true. It's not true. Everything is wrong. Whatever you want, it's not like that. This is not, it's not that it can't be, but it's not like that. My keyword was: "it's not true, it's not like that." Then I go to a meeting, work through the meeting. After the meeting, everyone goes somewhere to celebrate, and I go outside, I don't understand where I am. I just understand that Yura is no longer in this city. Because I want to call Yura and tell him that I'm very tired, and where he is, that I'll come now. So I take his phone, just stare at it. I understand that in this city, that is, it comes back to me, what happened. I stop understanding where I am. That is, I don't, this place is the center. Just the center. And in the end, I realize that somewhere nearby, my friend should be working. I call a friend, he says: "What happened? Why such a voice?" I say: "Come here, I'm standing here, house number such-and-such." I don't, I need to go home, I don't understand how. He comes and just from five meters he says: "Maybe a doctor? What?" I say: "No, well, I need to go home now, and my phone also died." So something like that. There wasn't even internet then. You're not home, and you can't watch the news. Because it was first turned off, then I turned it on, saw that there were a million calls, because Novaya Gazeta too. Then, when Dima called, he says: "You bastard." This means, what should I do now? As if we already had different assumptions here. Can it really be like that? I say: "Well, sorry there, like that." Well, they forgave. Their people forgave. And so, uh, for 2 days there's such an intense period.